Not everyone has good taste. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Description for this block. Hes dreaming too. Good morning! If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 151. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. I understand people talking about me. 6. 214. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. 198. 169. Because seven ate nine. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. I receive what I believe. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 37. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. I am on a seafood diet. 38. 16. It's OK to take a break. 27. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. Bill Murray 71. I will go out. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. 5. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Emphasis on the cool. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. I am quite fascinating. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. I create my life on a quantum level. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 33. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations to Get Through Your Shitty Day If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. 191. How do you count cows? So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? 56. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. It has nothing new to tell you. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. A mind is like a parachute. Albert Einstein. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. 107. 270. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 238. Sam Levenson "You have to be odd to be number one.". No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. I dont suffer from insanity. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. 2. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". You never run out of things that can go wrong. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 276. Microchips. 12. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Charles M. Schulz I am fine. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. So far, so good. 131. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. The rest are too expensive. 193. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. 138. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. Wilson Mizner, 262. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 32. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 65 Funny Positive Affirmations That Work For Everyone - ThediaryforLife Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 91. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. I wish my wallet came with free refills. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. - Christopher Reeve. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Snowballs. 52. 265. Alright, get in the basket. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. At night, I cant fall asleep. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". 159. Enjoy! 78. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. 75. It doesnt work if it is not open. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I didnt want to interrupt her. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. There are endless opportunities. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. A backbone. I train my body. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. 15. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. 254. 24. Charles M. Schulz. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. Friends buy you food. 100 Positive Affirmations for Kids (and Why They're so Important) Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Unknown. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. 196. 3. Edward A. Murphy Bill Murray Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. 90. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. 144. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 8. With a cowculator. Ann Landers They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. 77. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 55. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 8. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 20. 26. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). Its okay if people dont like me. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. 109. It gets toad away. 1. 5. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. 1. You wanna know who Im in love with? Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. I make a difference by showing up fully. 278. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits Can February march? Today I will embrace the poop. We have a connection. 121. Decomposing. 50 Funny Affirmations for a Daily Dose of Humor - Happier Human But you can always be immature. And a funny bone. 266. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. It just plain forms. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. All rights reserved. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Funny Affirmations - Etsy Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 22. I enjoy every minute of it. Say "Thank You" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of - YouTube 21. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. 148. INSPIRATIONAL positive mindset affirmation #shorts #short #shortvideo 148. Im like a postage stamp. 1. Look, youre smiling! Enjoy! Nothing, they just waved. When nothing is going right, go left. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. 20 Most Powerful Affirmations Because Thoughts Become Things I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 211. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Gary Delaney, 248. 222. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. 40. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. Funny Daily Affirmations. The thing is, I am still getting ready. 181. Raimonda.B. 277. 143. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Chris Rock, 256. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. 131. 256. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom As I become responsible, I have got more powers. 258+ Funny & Happy Friday Quotes To Explode Your Energy 231. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] 277. 5. My mistakes dont define me. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know 278. 184. 183. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. 94. 87. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Your life is your message to the world. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Ive got three bones. But it'll move up again.". When you leave work on Friday, leave work. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. 30. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. Because he was always spotted. I never apologize. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 26. 267. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. 221. 1. 11. I dont care! Expect nothing and appreciate everything. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 65. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 122. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. Billy Wilder. You can only be young once. I release all shame about my body. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. At night, I cant fall asleep. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". - Irish Saying. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 241. 40 Short Positive Affirmations + Free Printable - Dare Your Lifestyle Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. Its called tomorrow. 168. 142. I am adventurous. 39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 107. 85. 217. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Today, I look at my goals. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 214. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 271. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Flip Wilson To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Go to bed with satisfaction.". Frances McDormand Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. 37. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 275. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. Happiness is a choice. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. I will smile while I still have my teeth. Top 75 Funny Daily Affirmations | Committed To Myself 15. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. 242. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 159. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. 162. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. Enjoy! Why cant you play cards on a small boat? I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 157. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. 195. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 170. Ive been doing nothing for years. Why did the school kids eat their homework? The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 90. 150. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. Take a look! And a funny bone. 59. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. Swimming trunks. 267. 97. 1. - George Burns. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Albert King Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. 18. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 12. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 129. "Today will be a great day". Paul Ehrlich Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. 180+ Positive Affirmations For Kids To Boost Motivation And Confidence 88. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. The best things in life are free. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Helen Giangregorio 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? I am happy and joyful. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. 155. 32. 210. 206. The world is missing some pizzazz. Hi! 31. 101. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . Cindy from Marzahn 205. Steven Wright Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. 124. 188. Read the first word again. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 115. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 168. 7. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. East. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. Never ask a starfish for directions. Its okay if people dont like me. 139. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. 104. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". 127. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. I'm doing great. Its scary when it disappears. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. ". Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 86. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 250. I nourish my body every day. 100 Funny Monday Quotes and Sayings - Inside Of Happiness Not everyone has to like me. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. They planet. Robert A. Heinlein Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. 220. 123. With a cowculator. 237. 28. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way.