Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. It helps to keep the pilot cool. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . [Answered]. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! At least SEVEN Cs! Attention! Anecdotes 2. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Here's an SR-71 Story That'll Make You Laugh - Popular Mechanics Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! 29. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. St. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. He thought he would be home about 13:30. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Yes, said the lieutenant. 10. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Why were the Marines invented? Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Caller: Do you have his right number? One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. What do hungry Marines eat? Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. 3. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Long Haul Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Do you want to hear about my plane?. They bagged six. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. OHH OHOH! After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Later, I spoke with Mom. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Killed bin Laden. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Louis, I grumbled. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend One stated they would love to work on a submarine. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. 1. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Decodes 7. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. A friend paid my mother a visit. Eat up! Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? If it doesnt move, pick it up. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. He then made his way to my side. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. 10. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Ive been sandblasted.. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. 6. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. Rodrigues? Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Nothing, she said. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Where are you from? (Hang up. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. USMC: OHH! It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Individual use is by implied consent. SUB sandwiches! Caller: Is Sgt. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. The INFANTry! Now, they are wanted for dessertion. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. Its a NO FLY zone! Marine: Wait, stop. Aircraft Engineers 1. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Countdown to Iditarod 2023: Tributes, jokes and celebrations as mushers 8. It took the poor guy all day. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. He is the Founder and . I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. The Marine said Are you crazy? If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. But something struck me as odd. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. USA: Choppers Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Did you hear about the big accident on base? Stay out of clouds. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Soldier: No, SIR!. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. ! Again, no reply. The reason? All you have to do is remove the dirt.. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. 36. This is really good, he said. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Do not attempt to shave with fire. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. 1. Because the Army needed heroes too. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Dad got quiet. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Officer: Soldier. 3. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. 42. Unless you can be Batman. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. It was sheer brilliance. ! Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Then came Dads ships turn. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? I'm impressed! This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. Caller: Is Sgt. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. 75+ Top Military Jokes for Every Branch | Thought Catalog What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. August 15, 2021. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. I just put them all together for your amusement. 28. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Killed bin Laden. A Recruiter Misled You. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? Caller: Sgt. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. 65. Why Do We Celebrate It? What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Did it work? Im 81 years old, he answered. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Proceed at your own risk. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. They cant seem to string three Ws together. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. 5. Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla Me: No, I dont. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. A drill serGENTLEMEN! But yours is.. 32. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? It took the poor guy all day. 14. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Caller: Is Sgt. 34. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. 49. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. I was very nervous, she said. Baltimore, said Dad. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Thats Daddy. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl